Category Archives: Fun

The Albert Einstein Award of Excellence: another ABI scam

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Last year’s post on the Great Minds of the 21st Century award continues to attract attention from people who want to find out more about the American Biographical Institute (ABI) and its vanity awards.

Surprisingly, there are still people clueless (shameless?) enough to list vanity scams like this on their CVs. Thankfully, the ABI decided to nominate me again this year, this time for another honour: the Albert Einstein Award of Excellence for 2011, no less. Here’s an excerpt from their letter:

One of the most compliments to a person’s career in science is an honor bestowed that symbolizes the practice and genius of one of the world’s great intellectuals – Albert Einstein. You, Mr. Dingemanse, have by the American Biographical Institute to be a recipient of its Albert Einstein Award of Excellence for 2011. You have demonstrated effectiveness and distinction in your field and are deserving of this honor.

It is with great pleasure that I accept this invitation to expound on the dubious value of this award, and the services of the American Biographical Institute in general. The long and the short of it: The American Biographical Institute is a publisher of paid inclusion reference works — you pay $400 to be included in their directory. They also sell ridiculously expensive commemorative plaques — you pay $400 for a piece of wood with your name on it. This is not something to be proud of. It is essentially a paid flattery service. That is exactly why their letters devote so much real estate to assure you of their admiration:

Your accomplishments through scientific intelligence and steadfast efforts personify the contributions Albert Einstein gave to society. … To choose a finite group representing all of the demands of the deep-thinking profession that is science took months of consideration … It is with great admiration that we have chosen you for this distinct honor. … It was my pleasure as president to have been a part of the selection process to choose honorees for the esteemed Albert Einstein Award 2011. It is those, like you, who have committed themselves to an honorable discipline that makes a difference in the enlightenment of others and to the progress of humanity.

Please don’t fall for the vanity awards of ABI. And if you must, be assured that the rest of us will award your “accomplishments” and “steadfast efforts” with the distinct honor of one of the most respected awards in the field of “scientific intelligence” — the esteemed Gullible People of the 21st Century award.

The clay tablet tradition of African comparative linguistics

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Found this gem in a review of Paul de Wolf’s (1971) The Noun Class System of Proto-Benue-Congo:

This work falls within the ‘clay tablet’ tradition of African comparative linguistics, and, like other things in the same tradition (Meinhof, Greenberg), it has the properties of being inscrutable and yet at the same time, in broad outline, convincing. The two together make an infuriating whole. (Kelly 1973:716)

Kelly goes on to list some good things and some major problems about the book; unfortunately, the problems are much bigger than the good things in his opinion. His final paragraph is also worth quoting for the subtle (and not so subtle) critique ingeniously giftwrapped in a counterfactual:

Anyone interested in African comparative linguistics need not regret 50 shillings spent on this monograph, which represents a good deal of painstaking work, more than actually appears between the covers. Used in conjunction with the previous publications of the Benue Congo section of the West African Linguistic Society, it provides a mass of data together with some attempt at a historical overview. But the price is not, alas, 50 shillings. It is £7.55 at this time of writing.

References

  1. De Wolf, Paul P. 1971. The Noun Class System of Proto-Benue-Congo. The Hague: Mouton.
  2. Kelly, John. 1973. Review of The Noun Class System of Proto-Benue-Congo. Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London 36(3). 716-718.

Basquekpafu

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The Basque word for their language is Euskara or Euskera, earlier Heuskara. The first part of this word is the Togo R. word for “Akpafu”, Likpe be-fu “Akpafu”, Bowili o-vu-ne “Akpafumann”, Santrokofi o-fu “Akpafumann”, Akpafu ka-wu, ka-’u “Akpafu”. The early initial Basque h is from k, as can be seen from ka-wu, ka’u. The a has changed to e in this lexeme. The consonant between e and u has been lost. Basque lacks the semivowel w, which drops out here in Akpafu ka’u. See Lafon (1960 : 92) for confirmation from placenames etc.: Ausci, Aoiz, Auch.

The second part of the word, ka or ke is a word for “speak”, Niger-Congo gue “voice, language”, Ewe, Ga gbe “voice”, Agni guere “language, speech”, Yoruba i-gbe “loud cry”, Gbari e-gwe, e-gbe “mouth”. The e is for original a in this word. Niger-Congo e is secondary. Compare Niger-Congo ka, ke, k’e “to speak”, which is related. The final sylable -ra is the Niger-Congo article. No clearer proof could be found that the Basques were originally the Akpafu!

Thus says mr. GJK Campbell-Dunn “M.A. (NZ), M.A. (Camb.) Ph.D.” in a most interesting document titled “Basque as Niger-Congo“. (Just to remind you, Akpafu is another name for Siwu, the language I’ve been doing fieldwork on over the last three years.) I mentioned this story over a year ago in the comments of an excellent post over at Glossographia titled Debunking and de-Basque-ing, but I never got around to posting about it here. In his post, Stephen Chrisomalis notes that “There is probably no culture or language that has attracted more pseudoscientific attention than Basque.”

I’m not intent on debunking Campbell-Dunn’s story here; I think the quotation above stands just fine on its own. But I do want to draw attention to the irony of this particular case. There you are, author of such groundbreaking works as The African Origins of Classical Civilisation, Maori: The African Evidence, and Who were the Minoans?: an African answer. You now want to solve the Basque enigma once and for all, and since the general thrust of your work is to link everything to Africa one way or another you set out to discover that Basque is in fact a Niger-Congo language. A look at the rich lexical material in Westermann (1927) provides ample inspiration. Let’s pick one of the Togo Remnant Languages, you think — after all, Basque is sort of remnant too. Akpafu. Euskara. Hey, why not. Let’s just see what we can do… no-one’s going to notice, right?

Well, I noticed. And I just want to say it loud and clear: Graham Campbell-Dunn’s work is crackpot science. Don’t believe it; don’t even read it. Siwu and Euskara are fascinating languages that deserve of serious research. But they are most certainly not related. Although… come closer, I have to tell you a secret…

References

  1. Ibarretxe-Antuñano, Iraide. 2006. Sound Symbolism and Motion in Basque. Lincom Europa.
  2. Westermann, Diedrich. 1927. Die Westlichen Sudansprachen Und Ihre Beziehungen Zum Bantu. Berlin: In kommission bei W. de Gruyter & co.

Great Minds of the 21st Century: an ABI scam

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Just got this letter, on official-looking paper with an official-looking stamp:

Dear Mr. Dingemanse:

You have been nominated to appear in Great Minds of the 21st Century, a major reference directory including just 1,000 of the world’s top thinkers and intellectuals. (…) The ABI is contantly engaged with research centers throughout the world as well as its own global network of research advisors sitting on an international board. When the Institute is compiling a volume, these factors come together to point out individuals, through personal nomination, who deserve the recognition of inclusion in a biographical volume. Your contributions to the field of science have warranted the high regard of nomination for Great Minds of the 21st Century.

That’s impressive — but it sounds just a liiiiittle bit fishy, doesn’t it? As it turns out, the American Biographical Institute, which sends out these letters, has been in business for a long time. Here’s the catch:

Inclusion in a volume as prestigious as Great Minds of the 21st Century is quite an accolade, and to celebrate the occasion we offer several mementos, including keepsake copies of the volume at discounted rates to those included only. A Medal of unequaled quality and molded only for Great Minds of the 21st Century honerees is of special significance, as is the Proclamation Plaque designed to indicate your unique selection for this volume.

For $395, I learn, I can get the ‘medal of unequaled quality’; and for a mere $595 I get a Hardbound Luxury Keepsake Issue of the 5th Edition of Great Minds of the 21st Century embellished with gold engravings. Remember, just 1,000 of the world’s top thinkers and intellectuals will be included. What an honour!

But then, who says that they send this letter to just 1,000 people? Chances are it goes to at least a couple thousands more, maybe even in the ten thousands — and that they start publishing to commemorate hitting the mark of the first 1,000 Great Fools of the 21st Century. In fact, here’s someone who once worked at ABI explaining how they work:

ABI buys mailing lists from organizations. Using those names, they send out blanket mailings inviting individuals to be in biographical books. When the forms come back to ABI, they’re marked (A) buy, (B) bill and (C) no sale. A forms go directly to the “editors,” data-entry drones making minimum wage who never went to college and are beholden to type a certain amount of entries per day. B forms go next. C forms are saved in a pile, and the best are used to fill in the holes in titles such as “2000 Women of Distinction” et. al.

Nah, I think it’s not for me. But if you want a nomination, let me know — they also kindly provided me with a section where I can nominate ten colleagues so as to ‘assist in their research process’.

Some miracle of cloning

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See what I just did? Made another me.

“See what I just did? Made another me.”
Darwin (Marvel Comics), panel from X-Factor issue 37.

There is a very quirky sentence right in the first chapter of Richerson & Boyd’s (2005) Not By Genes Alone that unintentionally defeats the very point they are making. After explaining why ‘culture is essential’ (the chapter title) and noting the influence of Darwin’s population thinking on biology, there is the following remarkable aside:

[I]f through some miracle of cloning Darwin were to be resurrected from his grave in Westminster Abbey, we think that he would be quite happy with the state of the science he launched. (p. 5)

Note how that statement in one breath essentializes biology (Darwin = his genes alone) and totally ignores culture (Darwin’s clone = Darwin now as then).

It would be a great miracle indeed if the encultured product of a cloning operation on Darwin’s remains would view Darwinism as ‘the science he launched’ and be happy with it!

References

  1. Richerson, Peter J., and Robert Boyd. 2005. Not by genes alone. How culture transformed human evolution. Chicago/London: University of Chicago Press.

Man is an animal

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Dawn in Kawu

Morning clouds in Kawu

It is no news that some humans say that man is an animal, especially not this year. But wouldn’t it be rather more interesting if another member of the animal kingdom would weigh in on the matter?

It happens in Kawu, where I am right now for fieldwork (hence the silence on this blog). The call of the ìsakpòlò bird, singing in the early morning, perfectly resembles the tonal contour of the following Siwu phrase:

màturi bra màbɔi
people make animals
‘People are just animals’
Recording of the call:

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Whistled imitation and pronunciation of the Siwu sentence:

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The first time I became aware of this bird was when one of my assistants said, ‘That bird is insulting us.’ Next time I’ll try to provide a picture of this wonderful bird. Meanwhile, there you go. Man is an animal. You didn’t hear this from me. You heard it from the ìsakpòlò bird.

Scandalised missionaries and quite a new class of priests: some unforeseen effects of early missionary efforts in the Gold Coast

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In pursuit of early written sources about Kawu I came across a useful summary of explorations in the Volta Basin in the 1870s and 1880s. The document is clearly based on some dead serious German reports from around the same time, but it is written in a dry tone with barely submerged irony as only the British can do it.

These travel reports are probably of greater value to anthropologists than to geographers. Here are two fascinating bits on some of the unforeseen effects of the diligent missionary efforts of the Basel Mission:

On the 17th, much to our surprise, we reached the pleasant village of Nkaneku after a march of only an hour and a half. It is inhabited by fifty or sixty Asante, who are hunters, and were busy smoking the meat of the buffaloes which they had killed the day before. We here met with another caravan coming from Salaga. Its guides were two Fante Christians from Cape Coast Castle, who much scandalised us by alternately calling upon Allah and Christ. (p. 250)

The fetishes have quite recently come into discredit, for rumours have reached Adele and Akabu from Efe, affirming that a son had been born to God, who had forbidden all work on the Sabbath-day. At the same time quite a new class of priests, male and female, has arisen, who claim to prophesy by inspiration of God, and not of a fetish, and who have built themselves huts at the outskirts of the villages, where the credulous may consult them. One of this new order of priests claimed fellowship with David Asante. (p. 256)

(David Asante, you will remember, was an indigenous pastor educated by the Basel Mission. It is not difficult to imagine how inwardly torn he must have been at times.)

Excerpts from:

  1. N.N. 1886. Recent Explorations in the Basin of the Volta (Gold Coast) by Missionaries of the Basel Missionary Society. Proceedings of the Royal Geographical Society and Monthly Record of Geography 8, no. 4. 2 (April): 246-256.

Confuse two aspects. I am.

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Just a linguistic note here on Warren Buffett’s widely publicized advice to buy American stock. Buffett’s op-ed piece in the New York Times was graced by the headline “Buy American. I am.”

The quirky headline wasn’t picked up by the fellows over at Language Log, who are much too busy these days with the g-droppin’ or tactical g-lessness by a certain lady whose name ends in emphatic -in. It was, however, noticed by Fritinancy in a post titled ‘To “Am,” or Not to “Am”?.’ As she writes, ‘Trouble is, the two halves of the headline don’t match up.’

Why not? Friedman attributes it to the fact that “buy” is a ‘verb of activity’, requiring the declaration that follows to contain a similar verb such as “do”. But the be-verb is is not really incompatible with the ‘activity verb’ “buy”. It combines perfectly with the present progressive form ‘buying’, for example (as in the question mentioned over at Fritinancy: “Buying American?”). So the implied form must have been “I am [buying American]“.

That makes it an aspect issue — the truncated clause presupposes an imperative in the progressive aspect (‘Be buying American’) but for some reason it ended up following a bare imperative. The effect is a slightly jarring, but still understandable headline, just like the self-referential title of today’s posting. Understand this. Am I?

Semantic cookies

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Semantic cookies are sold in Akpafu-Mempeasem, central Volta Region, Ghana (among other places)

Fieldwork sessions on lexical semantics have become a lot easier since I found these cookies. I came across them in a small and dusty store in Akpafu-Mempeasem, my fieldwork hometown of all places.

Semantic cookies are made in Turkey by a company called BiFa Bisküvi. As BiFa they certainly have a knack (or failing that, a dictionary) for coining strange product names; other products of theirs are called Appeal, Effect, Talent, and Wisdom, to name just a few.

The Hidbap language of PNG

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Mt. Iso in PNG, 12 miles southwest of Sumo, east of the Catalina River. Diuwe is spoken between sea level and the first isoline at 100m, Hidbap between the first and the second isolines.

This week, the language of the week at Anggarrgoon is DIY, also known as Diuwe. Claire Bowern, noting that the only comment in the Ethnologue entry of the language is the terse and rather mysterious ‘Below 100 meters’, claims that the phonology of DIY shows an effect of altitude on air stream mechanisms. I thought I would shed some light on this curious situation by profiling Hidbap, a language related to Diuwe.

Hidbap is Diuwe’s closest neighbour both geographically and phylogenetically. It is a language spoken above 100m but below 200m in the same area as Diuwe, that is, 12 miles southwest of Sumo, east of the Catalina River. Like Diuwe, it has exactly 100 speakers. The languages are quite closely related, though there is no mutual intelligibility due to the presence of a large bundle of isoglosses at the 100m isoline. Speakers of either language avoid crossing into each other’s territories at all cost (see below). Continue reading →